may 1st

three sundays ago, the sermon was on baptism and the importance of making this public proclamation of your relationship with Christ, and the whole time i felt this intense urging to do it. my mind was racing with questions and concerns and what-ifs. should i do it the next time they offer it? should i wait until finn wants to get baptized-that'd be so cool? what would i say on the video they run before dunking me? would people wonder why i hadn't done it before? i wonder if the water is freezing?! which clothes should i wear so i don't look stupid? what if they dunk me too long, i panic and scream as i'm coming up? that will scare anyone else away...

i know. mostly ridiculous questions that have nothing to do with the purpose of baptism, but, for the first time, i was certain of one thing. i actually wanted to get baptized. i had been fighting this for years and years, because i was just too dang proud. i had gotten baptized as an infant, but the more contemporary churches i later attended all insisted that baptism be a choice you make after you've accepted Christ into you life. i got the whole idea behind it, but i had this feeling of, "if i've been a christian for 15+ years, there's no point in getting baptized now with the 'new christians'." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. stop being so proud! a 15-year old christian is no better than a 5-minute old christian. just proclaim Christ is my center. this is about me and Him, not me and the rest of the church.

and after this final understanding, i look up and notice the baptismal on the stage. dang! they are going to do a spontaneous baptism, right in the midst of my revelation where i can't turn back. it's amazing how God changes our hearts just in time, huh? seconds later, robbie asked anyone who wanted to participate to go to the back to change into clothes they had available and come on out for the baptism. it was the most amazing experience. there i was in oversized men's workout attire and an old-lady swimming suit, climbing into a cow trough with a seat made of a cinder block and what i think was a plastic cutting board on top (our church budget is pretty small), getting baptized in the name of Christ. it was the perfect way for me to do it. just getting out of my own way and letting my heart openly express my love.

oh, josh got baptized, too (very cool!). and no, the water wasn't freezing. it was gloriously warm!