Monday, May 30, 2011

3 months later

if you remember this, you will not believe how calm finn was this time we took an adventure to the farm. when we got there, he acted like he and the owner were best of friends. two farmers who had known each other their entire lives. he marched back to the barns with his rain boots on as if he was in charge of the place, walking in on about 6 pigs who like to snack on marshmallows. i seriously could not have written a better scenario for children. pigs eating marshmallows. who knew? finn was in heaven and i was just happy he wasn't crying like the last time.

Friday, May 27, 2011

a day away

i don't get to spend much time alone with finn. if i do, it's about ten minutes before i hear the distant cries of a certain someone and finn says, "go get ada...she's sad," then hangs his head. talk about an immense surge of mommy guilt.

needless to say, when i told finn that he and i were going to go to the zoo by ourselves, he was a little confused but thoroughly excited. he kept saying, "ada's at home with daddy. mommy and finn are alone. we didn't bring ada with us. just me and my mommy at the zoo. i'm holding mommy's hand and ada is at home" and so on and so forth. literally. so on and so forth, because the kid wouldn't shut up about everything he was seeing or smelling or feeling or thinking. we were gone for about three hours and i don't i experienced ten seconds straight of silence. we were alone and having fun and he wanted me to know. guilt erased!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

may 1st

three sundays ago, the sermon was on baptism and the importance of making this public proclamation of your relationship with Christ, and the whole time i felt this intense urging to do it. my mind was racing with questions and concerns and what-ifs. should i do it the next time they offer it? should i wait until finn wants to get baptized-that'd be so cool? what would i say on the video they run before dunking me? would people wonder why i hadn't done it before? i wonder if the water is freezing?! which clothes should i wear so i don't look stupid? what if they dunk me too long, i panic and scream as i'm coming up? that will scare anyone else away...

i know. mostly ridiculous questions that have nothing to do with the purpose of baptism, but, for the first time, i was certain of one thing. i actually wanted to get baptized. i had been fighting this for years and years, because i was just too dang proud. i had gotten baptized as an infant, but the more contemporary churches i later attended all insisted that baptism be a choice you make after you've accepted Christ into you life. i got the whole idea behind it, but i had this feeling of, "if i've been a christian for 15+ years, there's no point in getting baptized now with the 'new christians'." and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. stop being so proud! a 15-year old christian is no better than a 5-minute old christian. just proclaim Christ is my center. this is about me and Him, not me and the rest of the church.

and after this final understanding, i look up and notice the baptismal on the stage. dang! they are going to do a spontaneous baptism, right in the midst of my revelation where i can't turn back. it's amazing how God changes our hearts just in time, huh? seconds later, robbie asked anyone who wanted to participate to go to the back to change into clothes they had available and come on out for the baptism. it was the most amazing experience. there i was in oversized men's workout attire and an old-lady swimming suit, climbing into a cow trough with a seat made of a cinder block and what i think was a plastic cutting board on top (our church budget is pretty small), getting baptized in the name of Christ. it was the perfect way for me to do it. just getting out of my own way and letting my heart openly express my love.

oh, josh got baptized, too (very cool!). and no, the water wasn't freezing. it was gloriously warm!