the amazon woman pumps iron

i caught myself in the mirror yesterday at the gym and thought, "oh my! look at that angry woman. make her eat a sandwich." i had complete red-face from running for the last half hour, a sweat mark the shape of michigan on my back, and oh, the awesome workout clothes make me look like a human-giraffe hybrid. i know that no one wants to hear that i hate how skinny i am, but i am one gangly looking individual when attired with yoga pants and a tight work-out top.

for 2010, like about 45 other people who like to work out at the same time as me, i decided i needed to get in shape. true, my body mass index says i should gain about 15 pounds, but healthy is relative when speaking bmi's. i can't make it up two flights of stairs without grunting, panting, and cursing finn for weighing so much and still needing to be carried around. so i have been going to the gym about 3 times a week for the last 1.5 months and eating healthier woman-sized portions. i can now eat only half a pizza and consider myself full, a feat that is only trumped by running on the treadmill for 30 minutes straight. especially when you consider the people that always decide the treadmill next to mine is the most fit for their needs. their needs of course being to run so erratically that their sweat manages to fling onto my arms/face, to encourage themselves loudly by shouting "keep going" "don't stop" "you are better than this" over and over again throughout their workout, and to compare themselves with myself by peering quite obviously over to my screen to notice my pace then go just enough faster.

i love the gym.

lady gaga: take 1

in an effort to be young and aware of what is truly popular in our youth today, i went to the lady gaga concert with my little brother josh. we missed the first band who apparently was quite interesting, but luckily jason derulo was the second act. oh my goodness. never before in the history of my concert going days did i hope that i would not catch what the singer/band was throwing into the crowd. after trying to rip his awesome wife beater off to show off his moderately fit body, he threw the sweat drenched scrap of white cotton into the crowd mixed of screaming girls and utterly disgusted normal people. i was part of the latter group. then we took the small intermission as a time to take photos of our oh-so-excited selves as we nearly peed our pants in anticipation of lady gaga taking the stage.



then.

she canceled. they said she was sick and couldn't take the stage and that we could come back in a week and half to see her. i feel a little let down. not only did she cancel, but i had spent two hours waiting for her to come, watched someone else perform that i would rather have not seen, and missed kissing my son before he went to bed. i just wanted to have a moment to go see a crazy performance of a crazy lady (seriously, she's wild) to get my mind off of the overwhelming demands of my life and of all the bad things that are going on in the world right now. i guess i'll have to wait a little while longer to have that moment of release.

as we were leaving, i felt the most sadness for the thousands of people who had really gotten themselves all gaga-ed up for the evening. i am not kidding you. the amount of sequence and fishnets and neon colors was overwhelming. all that work and no where to go. these people...must be especially depressed.

just complaining

there are some things that i can't stand doing. folding laundry, doing dishes, mopping (oh that's a big one), dusting, pretty much everything that involves cleaning up. on a sort of related track, if the world wouldn't mind my smell, i would probably never shower again. that is how much i dislike showering. most people enjoy relaxing in the shower and i used to be one of those people, but now, it just takes too much time to re-get myself re-together so i don't look like a crazed maniac. and the fact that the water in this new house goes from luke warm to burning off the top layer of skin within a degree turn toward hot makes me dislike showering much more. it's not that i like being filthy, it's just that i hate the feeling of being damp after showering. i so wish i never had to dry my hair ever again, but i cannot stand the way wet hair sticks to my neck and face. i hate the dryness of my skin and having to reapply lotion and deodorant, putting my mascara on again, figuring out what clothes i should wear that day. i just really dislike it all. i like looking presentable, just wish it didn't take me longer than 10 minutes to get that way.

don't worry, i will still continue to shower.

19. Read 5 Classics (Post by Josh!)

Since it seems that I'm not crossing off many of these 30 things before 30 goals, I've decided to fill you in on a few of the ones I'm currently working on. I'll start with #19. Read 5 Classics.

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The first book I decided to read was 1984 by George Orwell. Katie and I had a little debate about whether this was indeed a classic. And since the debate happened after I had finished it, I decided it was.

One reason I read the book, other than I always thought I should, was because of the new Muse album The Resistance. A lot of the songs reference 1984 and I wanted to know what they were talking about.

Overall I really enjoyed the book, and although I had some notion of what it was about, I really didn't foresee the ending.

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The second book I read is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson.

I don't think I've ever read a book as old as this (published 1886). The language in the book seemed odd to me, but the more I read it the more I enjoyed it. Really, the only thing I knew about this story was from the movie The League of Extraordinary Gentleman and I know it was far from what the novel originally was.

After reading I really enjoyed it. It unfolded like a mystery and part of me wishes I knew nothing about it going in.

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The book I just finished, thanks to my 6 hours of being delayed in an airport yesterday, was The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling.

I honestly had no idea what to expect with this book. I have seen the Disney movie, but don't really remember it and after reading this I'm wanting to watch it again to catch the differences.

I had no idea that it was actually a collection of stories. I thought it was just about Mowgli and the jungle, but it also had one about a seal, an elephant, a conversation amongst animals, and Rikki-Tikki-Tavi (a story I have read, but didn't realize was from this book). It think so far this book is my favorite.

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The book I just started is The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. I know it shares the same word in the title as the last book I read, but I know enough about it to know it's not about the same type of jungle. I'm looking forward to reading this and what got me thinking about it again was a documentary I just watched called Food Inc. It covered the corporatization of the food industry and part of it talked about the meat packing plants. I'm one chapter in and so far am enjoying it. I'll keep you posted on what I think about it.

routines and checklists

i'm sitting in my office at 10am. playing on facebook. reading the ever-increasing number of blogs that i routinely read. drinking a cup of tea. watching finn hit the same button that sings "old mcdonald had a farm" over and over again. checking the calendar for upcoming excitement. logging into the bank to make sure we can afford said excitement. then wait for it, a fume of more excitement floods the room. finn had his routine morning poop and now we can move on with the rest of the routine day.

i'm sure that everyone goes through this in one way or another, but i am bored. each day, my life follows the same pattern. every morning at 10am, i'm sitting in my office, waiting for the same events to unfold in more or less the same order. am i supposed to be content with this? whenever i'm having a stressful time or hate the way my house looks or finn is acting up, the advice i get is that i need a routine, a schedule, more order. but i hate order. i want less of a schedule, so i can really enjoy my life and feel surprised by what may or may not happen next.

a little of this is hypocritical. i love control. i want to know that my hard work will pay off in a way that is pleasing to me. i don't want to be surprised by something bad coming into my life, getting sick, an unexpected bill, a screaming child in the mall, or getting something that i was looking forward to getting cancelled. i love the comfort and security of knowing what is next. on the other hand, i love the good surprises. i love when josh tells me that he planned something and to just get ready to go out. i love when someone has a baby and we can just leave our housework and chores and take a day going to visit them in the hospital and tool around a city other than our own. i love when i go to starbucks for my routine grande nonfat caramel macchiato, they ask if i want a free caramel latte because they made one too many.

i really hope to find a balance. where i don't feel that my life is the same each day and i wake up and don't know/care if it monday or friday or sunday morning, which happened on all of those days last week. i don't need surprises each day or something new and shiny to make me happy. i just don't want to get so stuck on this routine that this is all my life has become. my life is so much more than a series of lists to get checked off and scheduling naps and chores and things to read on the internet. a lot of this will be encouraged i think by faith, by relinquishing control, by seeking jesus, by looking outside of 'how can i make my life better', by getting the courage to step out of the comfort & security a routine gives me.

okay, referenced morning diaper calling my name. as much as i hate the repetitive nature of this particular task, i think this is one part of the routine that i can't shake.

ten steps forward, one step back

finn is really getting the hang of this walking thing. he wants to get down and try to walk all the time, which is both so amazing and really testing my patience. he is a little slow and falls all the time. yesterday at crate & barrel, he did one of those slow motion falls to the ground and bonked his head on the cement. with all the bruises and scratches to his cranium, please do not call child protective services on me. i promise we are being as careful as possible.

my new years resolution, as stupid as i think they are, is to get more organized. i want one of those houses that is just so organized that when something is out of place, i notice and put it in its rightful location. now, if my house is as clean as i want it to be, i am overly exhausted and josh comes home and notices something is weird. i want that weirdness to be our new normal. i want magazine spread clean. you know, those photos in the decorating (and parenting) magazines where the house is spotless and the people look so happy to be living a clean, amazing life. so. this past weekend, i started the process and packed away finn's old clothes, bottles, bibs, bitty blankies, pacifiers---which i'm not sure why, because that is just too gross to give a used paci to a 2nd child. well, just as i think my baby is growing into a big boy, he climbed into those bins, popped a paci in his mouth and has been dragging a bottle around for the last 20 minutes. i must finish each job that i start and actually pack those bins away. i guess that is resolution #2: finish what i start!


ooh...paci just fell to the ground, better snatch it while i can!