how to get on skis and not die

1. buy snowpants that make your look like an awkwardly lanky man

2. squeeze feet into slightly too small and painfully tight ski boots

3. snap on some slippery skis to said painful boots

4. hire a cute ski instructor to tell you that you are doing an amazing job and try to believe him

my family took a weekend trip to crystal mountain for the second time. last year, finn was about 3 weeks old and it was a very different experience. i hadn't been cleared for physical activity, so i thankfully couldn't get talked into trying skiing again. thing is, 12 years ago, i took a little skiing adventure with a church group. i got the skis on, made it to the bunny hill, grabbed hold of the rope to get to the top, fell over, and was then promptly ran over by the largest man to ever stand on two skinny sticks. now this is where the story has become a little of a you-won't-believe-it-but-i-caught-a-fish-this-big story. i'm pretty sure i just sprained my wrist or had a hairline fracture, but the closer i get to the mountain, the more terrifying this story becomes. all weekend, i remembered (and retold) that my arm snapped in half across both the radius and ulna (i'm smart- i know bones). as i now get further away and my blood pressure drops to a normal level, i'm more and more confident that i'm just a big fat liar, but deal with it. falling down a mountain at ridiculous rates of speed gives me the right to be a big fat liar.

i made it though. and without major injury. although on the first night, i started getting a little too confident. okay, i'll admit it. i was stupid and cocky. i hadn't fallen on my rump (yet) so we ventured out for night skiing. i got to the top, saw how shiny and icy the slope was and how closed the easiest run was. seriously, how can you close the easiest run without telling me that it is going to be closed? four letter words quickly filled my mind. i went down the easiest open run and managed to fall seconds after gaining the confidence to go for it. i screamed one of those four letter words. jumped up. well, more like flailed around like a fish out of water until my feet were somehow below me. fell seconds after going for it the second time. i screamed another one of those four letter words, this time perhaps at josh. the whole way down, i panicked and yelled and realized that i couldn't just stop. as most of you know but i hadn't realized until that moment, if you ride to the top of a mountain, you have to go down. i made it down, then promptly jumped out of my skis and went to sit by the fire. no more night skiing for me. just easy runs with the little kids groups during very lit sunny days.