josh's list

if you were unaware, josh is currently in his 30th year of life. before he turns the big 3-0, i asked him to come up with a list of things he would do before his birthday. the goal is '30 things to do before i turn 30.' it sounds easy enough, right? it is actually quite hard. to come up with things that are possible, interesting, not too expensive, not too lame, not just something to check off the list...it's quite a challenge. we will keep you updated on what his goals are and what he has done on the sidebar.

any suggestions to complete his list?

'god doesn't like winos' or 'thank you walkerton police department'

i went to buy some wine at the plymouth supermarket today with my mom. apparently, if you buy 6, you get 10% off, which my mom readily offered as reasoning to buy more than necessary. i looked at the shelf and wouldn't you guess, there were 6 bottles of the type of wine i was buying. i said, "this is a sign from jesus. let's buy all 6!" we left the market. i packed all my purchases in the back, then put my wallet on the top of the car while i put finn in his carseat. i returned the shopping cart, then sped away. about 10 seconds into the trip, my mom asked, "what's that noise?" i said, "i don't know. probably all that wine in the back."

one hour later, i was leaving my mom's house to drive back to west lafayette when it hit me. i didn't grab my wallet off the top of the car. did you notice that in my list of things that i did? i thought, "crap" (or honestly, a much harsher 4-letter word). my mom called the supermarket and the police department while i anxiously and methodically backtracked and drove slowly down each street. no luck. i called josh to get the numbers for all my credit cards. his response, "but i was going to go buy you kiwis like you asked." my response to him, "i don't give a crap about the kiwis right now" (or honestly, a much harsher 4-letter word). after an hour of searching the streets and dumpster diving to make sure someone didn't throw it away after stealing the cash, i cancelled all the cards. 5 minutes later, josh called to say the west lafayette police came by the house to let us know my wallet was in walkerton. walkerton is 20+ minutes from plymouth. what?!

yay! i got my wallet back. the walkerton police man said that it was found on a country road. i looked through it to find that someone took $5 out (and left $1?!) then tossed it out the window. another person (my saviour) found it and took it to the closest police station. what a night!

my thoughts: i said, "it's a sign from god" (to buy lots of liquor). god said, "i don't think so. i wouldn't signal that, now you must pay for your error in judgment." so he let me have it and made me sweat it out for 2 hours. then, he made things better after i apologized for liking so much wine. thanks god...for both wine and my returned wallet filled with useless credit cards.

future gardener? no.

this past weekend was oddly cool and slightly damp. not exactly what is expected from a mid-august day, but we went with it and took finn out in long pants and t-shirts for his 8 month photos. we went to happy hollow park for a little while, until baby boy got cranky and decided he needed a change of scenery. so we headed out to purdue's campus and got a couple pictures next to the liberal arts fountain. one thing we found out, finn hates flowers. there were some pretty purple ones that i wanted him to sit next to and every time he would cry. this boy is not a gardener, people!

he looks so little

someone grew up and got his big boy carseat! he loves it, but i think he looks remarkably tiny in such a large seat. give it a couple months and he'll fill it out just fine.

also of note, finn started crawling today. it's amazing how yesterday he had no idea how to get from point a to point b. suddenly, he knows how to get to point b from point a via points c, d, and e. let the chaos begin.

before and after

what language is this?

친환경 아이들 용품과 장난감 생일파티, 이벤트가 있는 곳

on gmail, at the top of the page, it usually gives you links to sites that relate to the emails you have received in attempts to make you buy stuff you don't need. well, the last couple weeks, this is the site they tell me to go to. i can't even read what they are selling, and the english site is still under construction. money well saved.

who is this man?

finn is getting so old and i cannot understand how this happened so quickly. this morning, i woke up to a screaming boy heard over the baby monitor. i went to his room to see him standing up in his crib. standing. seriously. standing. his interest in crawling is waning, as really he is only trying to find the next tall item to stand up against. i just can't get over how mobile he has gotten in the recent weeks. unbelieveable. i know it will only get better (or worse depending on how you look at it). this is just such a funn time to watch him try to figure out what his hands and feet are for, figure out how to get from belly to sitting, understanding that each fall is not the end of the world, and now using his head to prop his body up. precious.

no my baby's uglier

i once jokingly told a friend that it was a good thing the mommy hormones kicked in when finn was born, because he wasn't a pretty sight. the baby acne and misshaped features, whoo boy! instead of responding with a laugh or an "oh stop," she said, "well, i bet my baby was uglier." what triggers this in moms? why is it that no matter what the topic of mommyhood there is this extreme competitiveness? the mom guilt and strive to be the best is the worst part about being a mother.

i have decided that God created finn to be my child and mine alone. the choices that i make in raising him are what i feel is the best way for us. however, no matter what decision i make, there is some mother out there that will make me doubt my decision or feel defensive, trying to explain why what i am doing is right. can't we all just be right? there are millions of big and little decisions that we have to choose for our babies. breastfeed or bottle? huggies or pampers? sleep in the crib or share a bed? work out of the house or stay at home? wake up or let sleep? cry it out or pick him up? carrots or peas? change the diaper or let it soak? there are an endless amount of questions that we just instantly have to answer as moms. our worst critic? other moms who may have had a different answer (or had the same, but just want to be difficult). it's taken me almost 8 months to feel comfortable with the fact that i had a c-section, because i've been told i just didn't try hard enough to get finn out. i also feel such an extreme guilt that i want to quit breastfeeding. the main reason i'm still doing it is because of the reaction of other moms. i feel ridiculous.

the purpose of this rant? i've decided to just be over this whole thing. there have been numerous times i have ended a conversation with, "yeah, finn must be slow" or "you're totally right; i'm totally wrong" or "your child is just so much more advanced. wow!" i shouldn't have to, but it tends to be easier. i don't want this to be a your way vs. my way. we should be proud of one another and how hard this motherhood thing is and how each morning we get to wake up and enjoy the person God entrusted us with and how we can sometimes even shower and look presentable before we have to go out in public. this motherhood thing is hard and lonely and i need moms in my life that support whatever i do and however i do it because it works for baby finn.

notes:
1. i am in no way saying that i am not a part of this vicious cycle and have hands down made another mom feel inadequate because her decision is not what i would have done. i am consciously trying to remind myself to shut my stupid mouth and just be wrong for once.
2. my child is the best child that has ever walked the face of this earth, or at least scooted haphazardly across the family room rug.

california

i spent the night stripping the previous owner's lovely wallpaper. like the rest of the white and off-white house, it was an interesting flowery off-white paper. almost wanted to keep it, but josh won paper-rock-scissors. what a great use of my saturday night! after about an hour of scraping and spraying a product called dif, i looked down at the bottle to see what was really in this stuff. on the website it says, "safe, non-toxic, light fresh scent", yet there is quite the shocker on the bottle. "warning: this product contains a chemical known to the state of california to cause cancer." hmm...safe and cancer causing. i don't quite understand. furthermore, why on earth does california know this, but the rest of the so-called united states are refusing to acknowledge that i could die from taking down wallpaper?

i just hope that this is a cancer causer similar to the sun or diet coke and less like nicotine or asbestos.

i like him

since josh was gone on our 3 year anniversary, we kind of just skipped over it like it wasn't that important. it is important. and he is important to me. josh has been such a fantastic husband over the last 3 years. i can't believe he has put up with me for this long; he must really believe in the commitment of marriage.

here is some evidence that he loves me.
1. he values my sleep and quietly gets ready in the morning without the lights on.
2. he cleans my breast pump parts.
3. he grabs my cell phone when he comes up to bed because he knows i probably forgot it.
4. he fathered my baby.
5. he cheered me on (outside the door) for my first post-baby poop which happened about a week after finn was born and felt the relief as if he truly shared my pain.
6. he drives me around even when i am the worst passenger-seat driver.
7. he learned to make way too much pasta for 2 people just because i like to reheat day old pasta.
8. he dirty dances with me at weddings, just because he knows i like to. just dance...not dirty.
9. he drinks skim milk now.
10. he told me that he loves me more than he loves finn, which to be seems unbelievable. they say you should put your marriage before your kids, but i'm still so wrapped up in this whole baby thing.

josh, i love you as much as i love finn. that's good enough for now, right? when he's a rotten teenager, you'll win out!

guilt

someone got caught destroying someone else's stuff. i'm just glad that someone else wasn't me. sorry finn.

to trash or not to trash

we have been in this house for a very short 45 days and the crap is still piled up. i look around at the many (and i mean many) boxes that are strewn about among the trash and still unpacked suitcases from vacation and josh's freelance jobs. those boxes. what is really in them that is so important that i hold on to them? part of me wants to just trash whatever is still packed because hell, we've lived a month and a half without it. another part wants to just leave the stuff in the boxes and have a great time in 40 years sifting through the junk that we just had to move to the new house that we at the time (now) thought was so valuable. the other final part of me is begging God to give me about 4 more hours in each day, or at least make finn take a little longer of a nap, so i can just deal with this torture and unpack for good.

i'm never moving again. never ever. never ever ever. or at least i'm hiring movers and someone to unpack and organize me.

what a "great" day!

so i am exhausted. finn and i went to indianapolis today to go to the children's museum with trenton, alyse, aunt janelle, and grandma kathy. first, we stopped by qdoba downtown for lunch. finn choked on food for the first time and kathy jumped up and saved his sweet baby life. i think it was because he put food in his cheeks like a little hamster, storing it up for later. later came and he just couldn't get it down. all is well now though, and he has no residual fear of eating...trust me on that!

we got to visit with his great aunt diane for just a few moments. she was recently given a sergeant position downtown around the circle, complete with a squad car and cute police lady outfit. it was great to see her and finn was so interested in all the gadgets that were strapped all over her.

then we headed to the children's museum to visit great aunt beth and popo (his great grandfather). they both work at the museum, so we got in on the family discount. read: slip-through-the-exit-gate-to-get-in-free discount. we got to see king tut's old stuff, play in some water tables, go on the carousel, see star wars costumes, and more! it was lots of fun, so much so that finn did not want to take his morning...or afternoon naps. still, today was a great day.