Sunday, August 16, 2009

no my baby's uglier

i once jokingly told a friend that it was a good thing the mommy hormones kicked in when finn was born, because he wasn't a pretty sight. the baby acne and misshaped features, whoo boy! instead of responding with a laugh or an "oh stop," she said, "well, i bet my baby was uglier." what triggers this in moms? why is it that no matter what the topic of mommyhood there is this extreme competitiveness? the mom guilt and strive to be the best is the worst part about being a mother.

i have decided that God created finn to be my child and mine alone. the choices that i make in raising him are what i feel is the best way for us. however, no matter what decision i make, there is some mother out there that will make me doubt my decision or feel defensive, trying to explain why what i am doing is right. can't we all just be right? there are millions of big and little decisions that we have to choose for our babies. breastfeed or bottle? huggies or pampers? sleep in the crib or share a bed? work out of the house or stay at home? wake up or let sleep? cry it out or pick him up? carrots or peas? change the diaper or let it soak? there are an endless amount of questions that we just instantly have to answer as moms. our worst critic? other moms who may have had a different answer (or had the same, but just want to be difficult). it's taken me almost 8 months to feel comfortable with the fact that i had a c-section, because i've been told i just didn't try hard enough to get finn out. i also feel such an extreme guilt that i want to quit breastfeeding. the main reason i'm still doing it is because of the reaction of other moms. i feel ridiculous.

the purpose of this rant? i've decided to just be over this whole thing. there have been numerous times i have ended a conversation with, "yeah, finn must be slow" or "you're totally right; i'm totally wrong" or "your child is just so much more advanced. wow!" i shouldn't have to, but it tends to be easier. i don't want this to be a your way vs. my way. we should be proud of one another and how hard this motherhood thing is and how each morning we get to wake up and enjoy the person God entrusted us with and how we can sometimes even shower and look presentable before we have to go out in public. this motherhood thing is hard and lonely and i need moms in my life that support whatever i do and however i do it because it works for baby finn.

1. i am in no way saying that i am not a part of this vicious cycle and have hands down made another mom feel inadequate because her decision is not what i would have done. i am consciously trying to remind myself to shut my stupid mouth and just be wrong for once.
2. my child is the best child that has ever walked the face of this earth, or at least scooted haphazardly across the family room rug.


  1. so even though i don't have a child... i can relate to this on a different level. with deciding not to finish school and instead get a job, i've come across so many people who just love to share their opinions of my life choices with me. it's so encouraging to know so many people think i've ruined my life. haha :)

    but i'm like you... i've just decided that it no longer matters what people say to me. i made the best decision for myself and i'm completely content with my life.

    and i just don't understand {maybe because i don't have kids yet} how anyone can criticize you for how you raise your baby. okay, i take that back, because i guess i've even done it before to the mom at the store with the screaming baby. BUT i'm like you, i just wish that everyone could realize that every baby is different... and every mom is different... and you have to do what works best for you.

  2. Way to go girl. You just spoke what every mom thinks but somehow acts. I am sooo proud of you for sticking it out through all the breastfeeding battle and no matter how long you do it, you've already done it! You've already given him what he needs most! it's you! You are soo right, you have to do what's best for finn and don't let any moms influence you to do something different if you feel that way. Finn is not ugly or slow or behind. Every baby has their own schedule! For goodness sakes, I have a 19 month old who only weighs 21 lbs! : ) but the doctor said she's healthy! Hang in there! You're a great mom and a perfect mom for finn!! love ya!

  3. Katie, just remember that my children never threw tantrums or screamed in public just to make noise and embarass me:) Also, I was there when you were "trying to push him out" and there was no way you were going to get him out alive. Remember, I had 3 c-sections. You are an absolutely wonderful Mom and you can't ever second guess yourself. Finn is a miracle that I just can't get enough of!

  4. Katie,

    All I know is that I thank God each and every day for bringing you into our lives. You are such a remarkable wife and mother. I stand in awe watching you and cherishing the moments that I am able to witness.
    I do know we will never do everything perfect but you are as close to perfect as perfect can get in my book.
    Just keep looking up and knowing we are all Gods' plan:) Love you, Kathy

  5. LOVE, LOVE this!!! you go ahead girl.. cause you are the MAMA!!! FInn is soo lucky to have you =)
    and I so relate to this.
    you actually should print this up and share it at MOPS.. anonymously of course =)